I have to write this post to apologize. I am sorry.
I have neglected Texas Freshwater Fly Fishing for the last few months and only kept up with the bare minimum to keep it running. I haven't written, I haven't shared, I haven't done much to manage the Facebook Group. Heck, I haven't even gone fishing.
And for all that, I am sorry.
For years, Texas Freshwater Fly Fishing was growing and improving all the time, and I was working hard to make it even better. I was on a roll there for a while. I was burning with fire, doing everything I could to make TFFF become a better group for everyone around. I had plans, big plans.
But last year, toward the end of 2022, everything just hit me all at once. I was trying to write articles daily, make fly tying videos, keep up with Instagram, TikTok, and more. Trying to keep up with all the fly fishing headlines, trying to run our group contests, trying to manage the group, trying to host get-togethers, and more. And it all caught up with me, making me feel like a failure.
I was tired, mentally, physically, emotionally. Not just tired from working, but mostly tired from not seeing the results I really wanted to see. Contests and competitions did not have the the number of participants that I was hopping for. People were visiting the site in record numbers, but not reading the posts that I thought were the best. It was probably selfish of me, but I was just feeling like I was giving way more time, energy, and effort, to something that just wasn't giving much back at all.
I was still constantly trying to settle arguments between members who were upset with each other, or even mad at me for one reason or another. It felt like everyone was just joining the group to take, take, and then take some more, with very few people giving back to it in any real way. Uhhggg...yes, I was definitely selfish.
But selfish as those thoughts may have been, they still wore me out. I couldn't do it anymore. I had people offer to help run the website and group, great people, but I still couldn't do it.
I need to apologize to those people that did offer to help. I really appreciated your efforts, I was just in a bad place. I had these great things I wanted to do, but I was so down that I couldn't even talk to anyone on the phone. Heck, my social anxiety is bad enough with-out the added stress and dark-feelings of feeling like I was failing running the group.
I need to apologize to the great people that reached out for some collaborations, that probably felt like I just ignored them. I guess I really did ignore you, and I am sorry for that, but it wasn't because I thought I was better than you, or don't like you, or anything like that. It was only because I was not feeling worthy of collaborating with you at that moment in time.
I need to apologize to all the loyal readers of the website/online magazine/blog. The burnout lead to me feeling not worthy of writing articles anymore. I wasn't fishing, so how could I write about it?
And I need to apologize to everyone in the group. A group that lacked a good moderator for the last few months. And, I am sorry for all you new members that were waiting a LONG time for me to let you in.
All that said, I have taken some time away, viewed TFFF from a distance, and am ready to get back to it! I hope you haven't given up on me. I will be working harder and harder again to bring you as much great content as I can. Afterall, I didn't create Texas Freshwater Fly Fishing to take from y'all, I created Texas Freshwater Fly Fishing to give back to you!
Thanks for being loyal while I was down. I am sorry.
Peace out-side, y'all.
I think you do a great and under appreciated service to the Texas fly fishing community. I hope you continue to host a platform for likeminded individuals like myself.ReplyDelete
Thanks, and I appreciate the support. I'll certainly keep it up.Delete
Pat, thanks for your candor and sincerity. I'm glad to hear of your renewed commitment to TFFF. It's a great thing you have created!ReplyDelete
Thanks for the kind words. I hope I can keep this thing moving in the right direction.Delete
Thank you for sharing. We all hit a wall sometimes and we have to back up and reset. We appreciate your work and I am glad to see you jump back in. Hopefully you can balance it with some time standing in the water to gain positive reflection.ReplyDelete
Thanks for the comment. I do need to find my way into the water sometime soon!Delete
I own a business and I feel your pain, you are not alone!!ReplyDelete